Life is a journey of ebbs and flows, peaks and valleys. Yet, it’s during the midlife phase, often around the age of 40, that men can find themselves in a particularly dense fog of questioning and self-doubt. The term ‘midlife crisis’ might seem clichéd, steeped in images of sports cars and impulsive career decisions. But the essence of this period goes much deeper, prompting a profound inward exploration.
Richard Rohr, in his insightful book “Falling Upward,” frames this life stage as an opportunity for growth and transformation:
“The familiar and the habitual are so falsely reassuring, and most of us make our homes there permanently. The new is always by definition unfamiliar and untested, so God, life, destiny, suffering have to give us a push — usually a big one — or we will not go. Someone has to make clear to us that our first journey is over and time has come for the descent and ascent of the second journey.”
In other words, this so-called ‘midlife crisis’ isn’t a crisis at all, but rather a second journey — a stepping stone towards a deeper and more fulfilling existence.
In this article we aim to shed light on this pivotal life transition, understand the common questions that arise, and equip you with practical strategies for your own ‘second journey’. The goal isn’t to avoid or fear this midlife phase, but to lean into it, learn from it, and grow through it. It may not be an easy ride, but as men, we’re built to face challenges head on. After all, the most rewarding ventures often come with the greatest challenges. Ready for this transformative journey? Let’s dive in.
The Midlife Phenomenon: What’s Really Going On?
Let’s start by demystifying the term ‘midlife crisis’. It’s not an ailment or a sudden plunge into the abyss, as it’s often portrayed. It’s a transition phase, a moment of introspection that can be fraught with questions and uncertainties. But let’s see it for what it is: an invitation for change, growth, and self-discovery.
The psychologist Carl Jung, known for his profound insights into human psychology, described this life phase as a pivotal turning point: “We cannot live the afternoon of life according to the program of life’s morning; for what was great in the morning will be little at evening, and what in the morning was true will at evening have become a lie.” (from “Modern Man in Search of a Soul”) As the ‘morning’ of our lives gives way to the ‘afternoon’, we’re prompted to reassess our values, our goals, and our perception of success.
It’s during this transition that men often grapple with existential questions. Have I achieved enough? What do I truly want from life? Is this all there is? Why am I feeling unsatisfied? These questions aren’t signs of failure or confusion; rather, they’re signs of growth and a deepening self-awareness. They reflect an internal shift, a desire to align one’s life more closely with one’s authentic self and core values.
Now, it’s crucial to mention that this transition is not universal, nor does it occur in the same way for every man. Some glide through this phase without much turbulence, while others might find it more disruptive. A range of factors, including personality traits, life experiences, and cultural context, can influence how one navigates this period. But regardless of the journey, the overarching theme remains the same: the quest for meaning, purpose, and self-realization.
In the sections that follow, we’ll delve deeper into the internal workings of this transition, understand its triggers, and explore the journey to navigate this midlife phase effectively. Remember, this isn’t about evading a crisis; it’s about embracing a journey of self-discovery and growth.
Unpacking the Questions of a Midlife Crisis
The questions that arise during midlife can seem daunting. They might challenge the status quo of your life, your relationships, your career, and more. But the good news is, you’re not alone. Many men face similar questions. And it’s essential to remember: these questions aren’t an indictment; they’re invitations to deeper understanding and realignment. Let’s unpack a few common ones:
“Have I achieved enough?”
This question often arises from societal standards of success that revolve around wealth, status, and power. The societal pressure to achieve can leave men feeling insufficient, even if they’ve accomplished great things. But achievement is deeply personal and can’t be measured only in terms of external accolades. It’s time to redefine what achievement means for you.
“What do I truly want from life?”
This question pushes you to dive deeper into your desires and aspirations. Often, in the early stages of life, goals are influenced by family, society, or the need for financial security. As we mature, we start to see past these external influences. Now is the time to identify what truly matters to you, independent of others’ expectations.
“Is this all there is?”
This existential question arises from a yearning for deeper meaning. It might be triggered by a sense of monotony or feeling unfulfilled despite having ‘everything.’ It’s a call to search beyond the surface level of life, to engage with your inner self and seek a deeper purpose.
“Why am I feeling unsatisfied?”
Even with a successful career and a loving family, some men find themselves grappling with a sense of dissatisfaction. This feeling could stem from neglecting personal passions, interests, or a disconnect between your true self and the life you’re living. It’s a nudge to explore those neglected areas and to incorporate them into your life.
So, as you see, these questions are not a sign of crisis but catalysts for change. They’re a push to look beyond the known and familiar. It’s about growing into a fuller version of yourself. The trick is not to shy away from these questions but to face them, explore them, and find answers that resonate with your true self.
The Two Halves of Life: A Perspective on the Midlife Crisis from Richard Rohr
If we try to make sense of the turbulence of midlife, we find a potent framework in Rohr’s Falling Upward. Rohr presents a perspective on life as a journey composed of two halves. The first half focuses on building an identity, securing your place in the world, and establishing yourself. The second half is about exploring the depths of who you are, seeking meaning, and embracing your authentic self.
Rohr’s perspective encapsulates our midlife questions in an enlightening way. He writes, “The first half of life is all about some kind of performance, whereas the second half is about doing that which has intrinsic value.” Midlife, then, isn’t a crisis, but rather a transition from the first half to the second half of life. It’s a shift from performing roles, pleasing others, and meeting expectations to seeking authenticity, cultivating inner peace, and finding deeper fulfillment.
This powerful excerpt from Rohr’s book helps us understand this shift. He writes:
“In the first half of life, we are naturally and rightly preoccupied with establishing our identities—climbing, achieving, and performing. But as we grow older, we should begin to discover that we are not that which we can lose—we are not our jobs, our titles, our relationships, the car we drive, or even our bodies. This discovery is indeed a monumental shift of consciousness.”
This understanding can be liberating. It can make you see your midlife questions not as markers of failure or inadequacy, but as signposts pointing you towards the second half of life. It’s an invitation to let go of what is superficial, unfulfilling, or incongruous with your inner self, and to embrace what truly matters to you.
Navigating this transition may feel challenging. But the rewards—authenticity, deeper connections, inner peace, a sense of purpose—are profound. With the right strategies, you can navigate this so-called ‘midlife crisis’ and emerge into a more fulfilling second half of life. This leads us into the next section, where we’ll outline practical strategies to navigate through this period of self-reflection and change.
Practical Strategies for Navigating a Midlife Crisis
Now let’s make a turn toward the practical strategies that can help you navigate this period of change. Here we’ll rely on a number of experts who have plenty to say about this stage in a man’s life.
- Embrace Change: James Hollis, in his book “The Middle Passage,” advises embracing change instead of resisting it. He writes, “Our capacity for growth depends on our ability to internalize and to take personal responsibility for our lives.”
- Self-Reflection: In “Falling Upward,” Rohr stresses the importance of self-reflection and solitude. This helps you evaluate your life, understand what truly matters to you, and chart a course towards your authentic self.
- Invest in Relationships: One of the greatest sources of fulfillment comes from deep, meaningful relationships. As best-selling author Brene Brown writes in “Daring Greatly,” “Connection is why we’re here. We are hardwired to connect with others, it’s what gives purpose and meaning to our lives.”
- Pursue Your Passion: If there’s a dream you’ve put on the back burner, now is the time to reignite that passion. As Barbara Sher writes in “I Could Do Anything If I Only Knew What It Was,” pursuing your passion can bring immense satisfaction and can help you rediscover yourself.
- Focus on Wellness: A healthy body can support a healthy mind. Simple practices like regular exercise, a balanced diet, and adequate sleep can make a significant difference, as detailed in “Younger Next Year” by Chris Crowley and Henry S. Lodge.
- Practice Mindfulness: Jon Kabat-Zinn, in “Wherever You Go, There You Are,” recommends mindfulness as a way to stay present and engaged in the current moment, helping to alleviate anxieties and uncertainties about the future.
- Seek Support: This could be from friends, a mentor, or a professional counselor. Talking about your experiences can provide perspective and solutions, something echoed in “Talking to Strangers” by Malcolm Gladwell.
- Give Back: The act of giving, whether time, knowledge, or resources, can provide a sense of purpose and fulfillment. Adam Grant’s “Give and Take” explores the power of giving and its impact on our lives.
Where Do We Go From Here? Final Thoughts on Navigating the Midlife Crisis
Navigating a midlife crisis can undoubtedly be a tumultuous journey. It’s a time that confronts us with challenging questions and invites deep introspection. However, it’s crucial to understand that it’s a phase of transformation, not an end.
Instead of seeing it as a crisis, perceive it as a crossroads where you have the opportunity to reassess, redefine, and reinvent your life. As Rohr writes in “Falling Upward,” “The familiar and the habitual are so falsely reassuring, and most of us make our homes there permanently. The new is always by definition unfamiliar and untested.”
So, as you stand on the brink of the unfamiliar, dare to take a leap of faith. It’s an invitation to journey inward, face your fears, and emerge with newfound wisdom and authenticity. This process, though uncomfortable, is rewarding in its capacity for personal growth and self-realization.
Embrace the change. Welcome the questions. Engage with the discomfort. Let these experiences shape you, not break you. And most importantly, remember you’re not alone. Many men have walked this path and have emerged stronger, wiser, and more in tune with their authentic selves.
The second half of your life can be one of depth, authenticity, and genuine fulfillment. The journey might be challenging, but it’s also an opportunity to fall upward into a more meaningful existence. Use this time as a springboard for self-discovery, growth, and transformation. So go ahead, muster the courage, and step into the unknown. A more authentic, fulfilling life is waiting on the other side.
